Our Very Own Taliban
I have it on the highest authority that the following conversation between President Bush and the Official White House Nanny took place today in the Oval Office:
POTUS: Nanny, don't you ever knock? I'm the goddamn president, and this here's the goddamn Oval Office. What if I had an intern under the desk, huh?
Nanny: Georgie, what are you hiding?
POTUS: What, this? Root beer. Leamme alone, now. I'm workin'. Go.
Nanny: I'll do no such thing. Why are you drinking from a bottle in a paper bag?
POTUS: Reminds me of the good ol' days. Hey, why don't you go ask Cheney to take you quail hunting on the South Lawn.
Nanny: You put that bag down immediately or I'll pick up the phone right now and call Laura.
POTUS: ...Shoulda put you in Gitmo years ago.
Nanny: Good boy. But what's wrong, Georgie? You look so miserable.
POTUS: I don't know, Nanny. What's happening to me? My numbers are in the toilet. People want to censure me, they even want to...to... i-i-i-i-i-
Nanny: Impeach you, dear. People also want to impeach you.
POTUS: Yeah, that. And then the other day, Helen Thomas yelled at me in front of everyone. What's happening? Time was, all I had to do was say lower taxes or 9/11, and people would cheer like little wind-up dolls. Now...
Nanny: Things will get better, Georgie. I promise...
POTUS: And here I am tryin' to convince people that we're fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan to spread liberty to those God-forsaken hellholes, and what do the Afghans do? They want to decapitate some guy — for becoming a Christian, for Christ's sake. Believe that? The government of Afghanistan wants to chop someone's head off for converting to Christianity, while US soldiers are on Afghan soil fighting for their right to do it.
Nanny: Why don't you stop them? Call President Karzai and —
POTUS: Condi tried. Karzai's afraid of losing support. Not to mention his own head.
Nanny: Why don't you try using your head, Georgie. That's why God gave it to you. Why not, why not have Karzai say the man can't be executed because he's — I don't know, insane or something.
POTUS: Nanny, that's what a coward would do. We're the United States of America. We're the world's only superpower. Hell, God sheds his goddamn grace on us. Do you expect us to make up some lame excuse that everyone will see through, in a pathetic attempt to save face?
Nanny: Yes. We've always been very good at that.
POTUS: Fine, fine. Have Condi call Karzai. And give me back my...root beer. I need something to wash down my pride with.
