Wasted Votes

Published November 15, 1987 in North Shore Sunday.

When the press recently asked President Ronald Reagan whether Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev was playing "mind games" with him, the Great Communicator replied that if Gorbachev was, he was playing solitaire.  Thus spoke the leader of the Western World, the man who also gave us Star Wars, the biggest budget deficits in our history, and Oliver North.

Pretty soon people who voted for President Reagan are going to be as hard to find as people who voted for Richard Nixon in 1972.  But there is one good thing about the presidency of the Great Somnambulator – it's coming to an end.  That means another presidential election season is upon us.  What are we going to get ourselves in for this time?

Not that we won't have lots of help deciding.  During presidential elections, advice on how we should vote is like the women in the Shere Hite Report (read Sheer Hype Report) – fast and loose. 

One of the better lines we will hear is that a workingman voting for a republican is like a chicken voting for Col. Sanders.  An oversimplification, sure, but it does have a wing of truth to it.

Other advice is more troublesome.  Over the next twelve months, we no doubt will be treated to a familiar political observation that goes something like this: "Whadde'ya gonna vote for anyway?  They're all a buncha bums."   While this analysis may sometimes be true, isn't it a good idea to have some say over which bum is going to become President of the United States?  Not all bums are created equal, and it is our duty to vote for those candidates who are the least bumlike.

Unfortunately, too many people take the advice of the naysayers and don't vote.  In 1984, only 53.3% of Americans eligible to vote actually voted.  Let's estimate that 10% of the roughly 81 million people who didn't vote were physically unable to do so due to illness or some other reason.  That leaves about 73 million of us who apparently subscribed to the bum theory of non-voting.

Those who advocate the bum theory like to suggest that we include a category called "None of the Above" on the presidential ballot.  While this is a seductive suggestion, it would be a public relations disaster for American politics and should be opposed at all cost.

Let's look at the record.  In 1984, President Reagan won a decisive 58.7% of the votes cast – a clear message from the people that they liked what Reagan did in his first four years, and that they wanted more of it.  But if everyone who didn't vote in 1984 had the option of casting a vote for "None of the Above," the results could have been:

• Reagan – 31.3%

• Mondale – 21.6%

• Others – 0.4%

• None of the Above – 46.7%

Where would Reagan's mandate be then?  More to the point, how would it play in Pravda?

Another bad piece of advice we are certain to hear in the coming election season has to do with the peculiar notion of not "wasting" a vote.  Many people believe that voting for anyone but the ultimate winner means that their vote somehow has been wasted.  As a result, we should vote not for who is most qualified, necessarily, but for who is most likely to win – the horse race theory of voting.

Horse race theorists tell us, for example, never to vote for third-party candidates.  Conventional wisdom allows just three political choices in America – democrat, republican, and screwball – and voting for anyone but a mainstream candidate is a sure way to waste a vote.  Similarly, candidate Paul Simon has no chance of becoming president – not because he isn't qualified, but because he dresses like hog reporter Les Nesman in the old TV show WKRP in Cincinnati. Vote smart and don't waste your vote on him, we are told.

Possibly, horse race theorists are confusing votes with political contributions, where those who bet on the ultimate winner can expect a reasonable return on their investment.  But to my knowledge, no one has ever been approached by some Monty Hall-type and given a new washing machine just for having voted for the winner.

This election season, don't listen to any of the usual advice.  Think of it this way.  If the advice is so good, why do we always end up hearing the same old refrain shortly after the election is over – "How did this bum ever get to be president?"